Sokka: The Meat and Gossip Guy
by FictionIsSocialInquiry
Summary: In which the Crown Princess of the Fire Nation is discovered to be a waterbender and her uncle spills the beans, destabalising the Four Nations. OR... don't let Sokka and Aang drink arctic wine: an anthology.


**Sokka: The Meat and Gossip Guy**

 **2018 Zutara Week "Letters" prompt (late, as promised). This has been co-written by myself and the wonderful misszeldasayre! So dual credit to us both :)**

 **Now, because FF is still living in the 90s, I cannot format these letters with strikethrough the way I'd like. So you can head over to AO3 to read the correctly formatted version if you like (the link to my AO3 page is on my profile), otherwise please assume any text that is in bold is actually scratched through. I love the technique of strikethrough in the letter format; it's a great way to let slip a little of the character's inner conflict * cough Zuko cough ***

* * *

Uncle,

 **You have to come home**

 **Everything is fine, but I need your help**

 **WHY DO THE SPIRITS**

General Iroh. Your place is in the Fire Nation. It is unacceptable for you to remain in Ba Sing Se for so long. You are hereby ordered to return home under pain of **banishment** being marked a traitor. I expect you to attend council in the homeland within two weeks.

Sincerely,

Fire Lord Zuko

Uncle,

Katara thought I should retract my previous **order for you to return home** letter and explain. **She also told me** I would like to apologise for my rashness. I don't blame you for staying at the Jasmine Dragon, and it was wrong of me to accuse you of treason. But, Uncle, I need your guidance now more than ever.

We saw Kya bend the tea in her cup yesterday morning and I don't know what to do. My first-born daughter, heir to the throne of the _Fire_ Nation, is a **damn** waterbender. So far no one knows other than Katara, Kya's nursemaid and myself, but we can't keep it secret for long. There are already nobles from the old families who disapprove of my marriage and the threats against Katara, while not as frequent, are still evident. When my council find out **oh Agni what about the officers**.

Please, Uncle, I need your help.

Zuko

P.S. Privately, Katara is thrilled. Despite everything, it's good to see her smile.

—

Sokka,

It's happened—it's finally happened! No, Kya hasn't learned how to throw her boomerang. Stop asking, Sokka! If she takes an interest in the boomerang, we'll get her a tutor, but if I find you forcing more of your "sneak lessons" on her, I swear to the Moon Spirit I'll ban you from the palace!

Kya's bending! Zuko and I are thrilled, we've been waiting for ages to see if she would. The only problem is… she's not bending fire.

I can hear you cackling already. Don't tell anyone! Or expect to be waterwhipped from here to the North Pole and back again. Keep your lips zipped!

Love,

Katara

P.S. If you can steal time away from your chiefly duties, Kya would show her uncle all the ways she can bend her tea.

—

 _Minutes from the Fire Lord's council:_

Lord Haruto: Rumor has it that Princess Kya has grown into her powers, my lord.

Fire Lord: As my uncle says, rumors can be slippery things.

Lady Kimiko: They say a chambermaid found the Crown Princess's clothes drenched in water…

Fire Lord: Perhaps the princess took a tumble into the pond, Lady Kimiko. With the future of trade with Ba Sing Se at stake here, I think it's time we return to the topic at—

Lord Haruto: So it's true. Our Fire Lord has sold the throne to that waterbending whore in exchange for—

General Mak: Enough!

Lord Haruto: Unngg—oof—hrgg—!

Fire Lord: General, put that man down immediately!

General Mak: My lord.

Fire Lord: I will not have my council break into fistfights. Nor will I allow it to attack my daughter—the crown's honor. Leave, all of you. We will reconvene at a later date.

—

GENERAL IROH,

I FEAR FOR THRONE'S SECURITY (STOP) OFFICIALS NOT HAPPY WITH HEIR'S BENDING POWERS (STOP) RUMORS OF CHALLENGING SUCCESSION SURFACED AFTER COUNCIL MEETING (STOP) YOU KNOW FIRE LORD BEST (STOP) WOULD HE RISK HIS NATION FOR HIS DAUGHTER?

GENERAL MAK

—

 _Messenger Hawk Recipient: Iroh of the Jasmine Dragon_

 _Sender: King Bumi of Omashu_

Spill it, young man. Is your grand-niece a waterbender? Love—Bumi xx

 _Messenger Hawk Recipient: Iroh of the Fire Nation_

 _Sender: Master Pakku of the Northern Water Tribe_

Iroh, Chief Arnook has just told me the news. The lotus has truly bloomed from the mud of war and ignorance. Congratulations to yourself and your family. Pakku

 _Messenger Hawk Recipient: Master Piando of Shu Jing_

 _Sender: King Bumi of Omashu_

Piando! I'm being snubbed. I've sent Iroh upwards of 74 messages and he's replied to exactly none of them. Are the rumours true? Is the princess of fire a waterbender? Love—Bumi xx

 _Messenger Hawk Recipient: Iroh of the Fire Nation_

 _Sender: Master Piando of Shu Jing_

I don't imagine a prouder uncle walks any of the Four Nations today. Congratulations, old friend. Might I gently suggest contacting Bumi, he'll have filled the Jasmine Dragon's letter box a dozen times by the time you return home if you do not. Piando

—

Sokka,

I'm going to kill you for this.

Katara

—

 _Katara's Journal:_

Tonight I dreamed of Aang. It wasn't so much a dream as a vision—his spirit spoke to me in my sleep. He knows about Kya.

"I feel it," he said, but I bet he heard it from my brother, Mr. Blabbermouth. Leave it to Sokka to spill the cactus juice. Come to think of it, he probably was drinking when he COMPROMISED THE SECURITY OF THE FOUR NATIONS!

…I am calm. I am calm…

Aang's happy for us. He thinks a ruler of fire who wields water will help to usher in this era of peace. He passed along a message from Toph: "Sugar Princess better be ready to battle her favorite aunt the next time I see her." I tried to smile, but my whole face felt numb.

Time is running out. The whole Fire Nation will find out eventually, and the fragile peace we've orchestrated between nations is barely stable, let alone ready to survive a tidal wave like this one. Kya's bending brings me joy and Zuko pride, but we're afraid. Even a visit from Aang can't change that.

—

Dear Katara,

I hope you got the dried sea prunes and seal jerky with this letter. Suki helped me pick out new beads for your hair loopies but it was my idea in the first place and I even paid for it so it's definitely from me. **Is it enough?** Do you like them? Do you want some of that polar hog fur Gran Gran made our boots from for Kya? I can totally bring you some when I babysit – whenever you need. Like whenever. I'll uncle it up, I'll niece the crap out of her.

In other news, I might have had a few arctic wines with Aang and now he knows about Kya's _you-know-what bending_. But I swear I told him to keep his air trap shut! So really, it's his fault. Like at least 90% his fault. Some Avatar, am I right?

Sokka

P.S. Not that I did anything wrong… but I'm sorry.

—

Howdy cuz,

Heard you gots yourself a baby bender—

" _Is there anyone Sokka didn't tell?!"_

—and here abouts that's cause for celebration. So we skinned Slim's cousin and tanned you some catgator leather. It's water resistant so the lil 'un don't crack it when she's splashin around.

You take care now,

Love from Due and Slim

—

To Their Royal Highnesses Fire Lord Zuko & Fire Lady Katara.

We wish to extend our warmest congratulations on Princess Kya's discovery of her bending and our support in what we are sure is a trying time. The world is changing rapidly and the Fire Nation continues to prove itself more than a match for the challenge of progress. Should your Highnesses require political or diplomatic support in this matter, please know that the Earth Kingdom entirely supports the princess waterbender in her role as heir.

In fact, along with this letter, we have enclosed an exclusive trade contract for the Fire Nation merchants of your choosing with our most lucrative Ba Sing Se wholesalers. Let this be a sign of our continued friendship since your ascension to the throne and put to rest any opposition you may be facing on the grounds of international image.

We shall personally accompany our delegates on their next diplomatic visit in the spring and look forward to introducing our Friend Bosco to the young princess.

Sincerest regards,

His Majesty King Kuei of Ba Sing Se and the Earth Kingdom

P.S. Bosco says hi and my newest advisor, an older gentleman who's been very successful in the cabbage industry, has been helping me use something called the "royal we" in all my formal correspondence! Isn't it great?

—

Fire Lord and Lady,

The Northern Water Tribe celebrates the emergence of Princess Kya's powers. In the past, our nations have been scarred by war. Today, they are healed with water. By the light of Yue and under the tutelage of Master Pakku, may the little princess's bending grow strong like the bonds that flourish between our people.

With joy,

Chief Arnook

—

We, members of the nobility of the Fire Nation, under the leadership of Lord Haruto, formally declare our renouncement of the Crown Princess Kya. We will not stand by as a traitor to our nation stands in line for the throne, a waterbender born from Southern Water Tribe peasant stock. The Fire Lord cannot expect his honorable nation to bear such grievances—we have always been ruled by fire and we will always be ruled by fire. We petition the Fire Lord to remove the princess from the line of succession or face the wrath of a scorned people.

 _—The First Sons of Fire Society_

—

 _From His Royal Highness, Lord of the Nation of Fire, Protector of the Offshore Fire Colonies & Her Royal Highness, Lady of the Nation of Fire, Protector of the Offshore Fire Colonies._

Fire Lord Zuko and Fire Lady Katara are delighted to announce that Princess Kya, heir apparent to the throne, has presented as a waterbender. It is the wish of their Royal Highnesses to reassure their people that they and the princess are honour-bound to uphold our nation's proud tradition of fire. Our people have always been strong, willful, and purpose-driven. We are a people that can spark great things in this world. Already, our Fire Lord and Lady have eased the post-war recession, created bridging loans for Fire Nation families hurt by the war, and funded returned servicemen's programs for our soldiers. And now, we stare fearlessly into the future and shape it our own way: our waterbending princess has a heart of fire and will serve a lit beacon. She will show the world the Fire Nation's desire to move forward from a time that left us broken and divided. She will bring together two nations like no Crown Princess before her.

Princess Kya represents the emergence of our great nation into an era of peace and love, the acceptance of the other nations and their place in our homeland. We go into this future together, as sons and daughters of fire.

—Minister Hau, Royal Spokesperson

—

Nephew,

By the time you receive this letter, I will be only a few days away from pulling into harbour at the city of my birth. With how well the Jasmine Dragon is doing, I was able to purchase first class tickets on Madame Wu's Luxury Cruise Ship for Singles Over Sixty-Five! Already I have made lifelong friends among the beautiful women on the first class deck. In fact some of them have invited me to the women's spa later this afternoon!

Just this morning I was telling the beautiful Chey Li about my grand-niece, how clever she is and how much I love her. She is a remarkable young girl, so quick-witted and creative and playful. And surprisingly even tempered. I flatter myself with some credit for this particular trait. You know, Zuko, destiny is a funny thing. Despite your present challenges, you may find the Fire Nation will come to love her just as much as we do.

Madame Wu has just invited me to tea in her chambers! I must go!

Give my love to Katara and Kya,

Uncle Iroh

* * *

 **Yes, you can 200% assume that Iroh is literally charming the pants off the first class ladies aboard Madame Wu's Luxury Cruise Ship for Singles Over Sixty-Five (including Madame Wu. What? You think "tea" isn't an innuendo? * shakes head sadly *).**


End file.
